HOW TO EAT A DONUT IN BUSINESS ATTIRE

Friday is tomorrow.  DONUT FRIDAY.  A holy day celebrated not with gifts or flowers or the wearing of green, but with the very essence of life — the much maligned, but much desired, donut .  Last Friday was in fact National Donut Day.  Bloomberg Business Week stated: “National Donut Day is held on the first Friday of June. It was established by The Salvation Army in Chicago to honor ‘donut lassies’ who served treats to soldiers in WWI.”  Really.

But, Martha, your question was not so academic.  You would just like to know how, when one is dressed in business attire, should the donut be eaten?  Naturally, I have a three-step program for this endeavor.

Step one, you have to drive to Highland Park.

On the east side of the street is the most plain-looking storefront in the universe — yup, the carefully hidden Hiland Bakery:

Now, just march inside next to all the old men sipping black coffee, blue-collar workers trying to catch a treat on a break, and young moms looking for birthday cookies — and take a gander:

Buy a donut.  Good job.

Step 2: Now, with gusto, plant your entire face in the top of the donut — don’t be shy, this is a crucial step.  Okay, you’re still reluctant.  To ease you into this step, I have asked the assistance of my niece, Hazel.  Please examine the photograph carefully because this step will not be repeated (note the formal dress of the model to replicate the work environment):

Excellent!

Step 3:  Eat all the sprinkles off the top of the donut.

And there you go: How to eat a donut in business attire.

Joe

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